Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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