she was so not down for the gang bang
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
