I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
