My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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