If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
