I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
