His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize