Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I just went to clothing optional bar
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
