...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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