I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
