don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
