dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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