Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
