He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize