idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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