you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize