It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
