he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would ride that face into the sunset
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
