here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize