Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
