You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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