I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
