What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
