I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
