I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
