New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
