She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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