Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
