I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
