I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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