Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
