I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
