Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
