What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
