i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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