I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
