...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
