Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
