I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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