i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
