i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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