So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
