flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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