I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
