So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
