I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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