Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
