GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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