so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
