Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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