i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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