I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
