he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
