dude i'm inner monologue high
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
