What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You smell like stripper and shame
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
