I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
