Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
