I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't turn off my feet"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
