I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
