the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
