why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
