i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
