I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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