I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
