I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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