your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize