ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
