If i come over, it means nothing
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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