i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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